I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
