Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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