I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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