yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
