hell yes lets make some ravioli
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize