You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
