he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
