the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
