Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
