new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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