Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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