Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize