i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
