pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
