her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
