Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
