i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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