That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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