I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
