He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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