whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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