I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just blew my weed a kiss
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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