im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
