I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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