His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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