Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
