I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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