She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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