Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
