How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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