I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
