Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
