Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
