No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
