Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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