It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
