so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize