Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
