I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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