he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
