Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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