Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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