Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
