Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
