is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
