Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
