No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
