And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
