I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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