The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
