My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
