Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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