Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
