R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
