She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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