I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
