you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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