I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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