you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
