is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
