Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
